4 Lessons Caregiving Provided Me
Caregiving is challenging work. Caring for others is never easy, let alone those in unique need. Children take up much energy, grown children take up even more effort. Elders are grown children with heavier needs and this is to be expected. To every participant in the caregiving industry, here’s a personal note of thank you from the bottom of the heart. These selfless and caring individuals deserve more admiration and applause. To care is to give and to give is to receive. In order to attain a finer appreciation and more robust understanding of life, and in order to develop personally, all of mankind should devote some time in providing caregiving duties. Further fostering empathy, patience, perspective, and humility gives enlightenment. The following are lessons learned by way of caregiving, working with those struggling from Alzheimer’s, dementia, lack of mobility, etc. Grateful to have the opportunity to help another.
You are Not Important
The first and most obvious lesson, you, and I, and nearly all citizens are not important. Painful to hear, trust me. Believing you matter in the grand scheme of things is nothing more than wishful imagining. Accept your role in the universe but do not take yourself seriously. You do not matter, none of us do. We are temporary inhabitants, only nature is permanent. Nature will be here long after all have departed. The quicker you make peace; the sooner life becomes visible. Be accepting and feel it within. Life will become clearer.
After coming to terms with acceptance, make it a point to not take life as seriously. Do not feed the ego and construct mass importance on daily tasks. Many believe they are important when they are inconsequential. Society attempts to define a character based upon one’s occupation. This only feeds the ego. We are fictional characters playing out assigned roles in our professional setting. These roles do not define a person. One must gratefully acknowledge their place in the game of life. All of this is temporary as is human existence. Make good with what is available. Practice accepting the notion that we are here for a brief period.
Not talking down or diminishing anyone’s life. Not attempting to trivialize. Simply providing an alternative viewpoint that should be present. A life is not important except in the effect it has on others. This effect must be constructive.
Everyone Suffers
The second lesson that hits home, is knowing you are not alone in your pain. Everyone agonizes. We suffer during childhood, we suffer during later years, and everywhere in-between. We should not think of ourselves as different from those we are connected to. All humanity endures pain and misery. We are connected and share the same experience. Those who are near their end can relate with someone who is much younger. Understand that you can communicate with others through silence. These folks know because they are just like you. There will be good days, there will be bad days. No matter what, understand that you are never alone, everyone will experience a similar fate.
Mankind’s Reliance
The third lesson to note, we are always reliant on others. When we are born, we are reliant on parents or those who care enough to assist. This early bond is vital and without proper support, we would not make it. As we age, we become more reliant on peers. This bond is evident throughout the early years and continues long into our lifespan. At some point, many become reliant on a romantic partner. This will continue until we become reliant on caregivers and health professionals. At every step in the journey, we are reliant on another. Family, friends, colleagues, lovers, strangers, and others are all important. The level and quality of attachment is crucial. How our attachment to others goes determines the value of life. We need safety, security, warmth, love, affection. We do not need the pain, suffering, hurt, neglect, abuse.
Quality over Quantity
Finally, the fourth and simplest lesson, the quality of life is greater than the quantity of life. Lying in bed 24 hours each day is not easy to imagine, yet many of us will end up living out the remaining days in this manner. To have the ability to hear fascinating and normal tales from various viewpoints provides much perspective and depth. Take the time to learn from others. Some lived fruitfully and have no regrets; others barely lasted and have much regret. Some lay in peace, others are restless. There is strength in peace, not noise. Those who lived with purpose, experienced all of life’s gifts, and gave much to others are on a different wavelength. They have lived a quality life with little regret.
Picture yourself lying in bed all day, every day. Now ask yourself, what do I want to recall about my life. If you are fortunate enough to have many “good days”, you will recall certain episodes and share them with your caregiver. You will hold these memories close until the very end. What you do today will have an impact on what you recall tomorrow. Meticulously select your memoirs wisely, it will matter.
With love,
Vedran Agovic
